Hawkeye vs Katniss
by abetha0808
Summary: It's movie night at the Stark Tower, and some idiot picked The Hunger Games. Hawkeye picks apart Katniss's every flaw, much to his team's consternation. Earth's Mightiest Heroes watch Enchanted, Harry Potter, Star Wars, the Hunger Games and more to follow! Post-Avengers.
1. Natasha's Pick

Katniss watched a deer twitch in the valley below her. Her knuckles were white from her grip on the bow. This deer would mean so much to her family…She took a deep breath and pulled back the drawstring to shoot-

…

Clint paused the movie and glared at the screen.

"This is just getting ridiculous! Look at that! Who holds a bow that tightly? Idiots! If you hold it like that, it makes your bow rotate and your arrows kick to the sides. You wouldn't be able to hit the side of a house like that!"

He shook his head disgustedly.

"I don't know if I can watch this."

Natasha rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Maybe we should watch something else," she suggested.

"Bond?" Steve suggested hopefully. James Bond was something of an idol to Steve for reasons no one could really fathom. Bruce theorized that 007 reminded Captain something of the two assassins on the team, but Steve never really confirmed that.

"No," Tony growled, "Natasha will sit there and say 'done that', 'that's easy' the whole time."

The assassin in question didn't reply, she only smirked. Clint sighed and hit play again.

…

Gale laughed at Katniss and threw a stone. Birds from down below immediately took to skies in fear. The hunter was ready. She shot her bow and dropped a bird with a smile.

…

"See! Right there!" Clint jumped up from the couch and pointed angrily at the TV, "She didn't follow through her shot! Her bow arm dropped right down after she let the string go. She was looking to see where it went. She should have missed. Stupid, stupid, stupid…and we're supposed to believe that she's good?"

"Clint, if you're not going to stop critiquing the movie every time she doesn't do something your way, we're going watch something else," Bruce said sternly.

"Yeah! We don't want archery lessons. It's movie night," Tony added.

Natasha patted Clint's arm and pulled him down on the couch next to her.

…

The nervous girl from District 12 stood before the judges. She picked up a metal bow that couldn't have been more different than her father's wooden one. She tensely nocked an arrow and let it fly. It took its mark a foot from the target. Her heart leapt. She had to do better than this-

…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Clint fell off the couch and rolled on the floor laughing, much to the surprise of his teammates.

"Are you well, archer?" Thor asked cautiously.

Clint gasped for breath but couldn't get words out for laughing. Natasha scowled and swooped down, poking him in the belly button, which effectively cut off his giggles.

"What?" she snarled.

"She-she," Clint started, fighting the urge to laugh again, "She _missed_! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That's not funny!" Steve protested, "This is important! She wants to get a high score. She wants to go home to her baby sister!"

Clint completely ignored him, still overcome by the sheer silliness of someone missing a small target with a strange bow. Tony threw the popcorn bowl in frustration. With a clang, a now-buttery Clint had sobered up.

"Knock it off!" Pepper and Bruce shouted in unison.

Clint sulkily climbed back into his seat, brushing popcorn off his shirt.

"Whatever…" he whined, "She stinks. I never miss."

"We know. Now just leave her alone," Natasha sighed.

"You think this is bad?" he asked incredulously, "Don't get me started on Merida…but Legolas isn't bad. Can we watch those tomorrow?"

"NO!" the team shouted together.

"Sheesh!" Clint said, "What can we watch then? Something archery-less, robot-less, spy-less, science-less, thunder-less, with nothing that makes Bruce angry, with nothing that will make Steve cry, no nudity, no wars, no royalty, no Pop-Tarts…?"

"Yeah that sounds good," Pepper agreed.

"No!" Tony protested, "That sounds awful. A movie where nothing happens?"

"No, a movie where nothing happens that we _care_ about," Bruce clarified.

The team sat in thought for a moment. Clint brightened, coming up with a good alternative.

"So…Twilight?"

* * *

**BAM! My thoughts on what would happen if Hawkeye watched the Hunger Games. Not hating on her though, I happen to love Katniss, too! And I don't even mind Twilight that much...But I have this feeling that Earth's Mightiest Heroes might not share that opinion. **

**Just fyi though, while I was doing research on this, I found out that people who actually are into archery aren't big fans of Hawkeye. Apparently it's the other way around...Katniss's form is good and the Hawk stinks :/ Oh well! Don't tell him that...**

**Reviews please!**


	2. Steve's Pick

James Bond walked into the office looking suave, as usual.

"Hello, Miss Moneypenny," he smiled and leaned over her desk, "You look lovely," he purred seductively.

"Oh, James," she swooned. He whirled around and entered M's office.

…

"Why is the secretary always a sucker?" Pepper exploded. "Look at her! She's a simpering mess! She's an insult to anyone who happens to work in an organizational position! This woman is-"

"Pep, it's okay," Tony sighed. "No one's saying that she's you."

Clint snickered.

"We're not?" he cackled.

Pepper threw him a glare fiery enough to melt steel.

"This isn't going to be like last movie night is it?" Bruce asked wearily.

"Oh, I hope not…I actually like this movie," Steve sighed.

…

007 jumped out of an airplane, ran through the window of a burning building and landed on a sports car which sailed through an empty boxcar of a train. As he nimbly landed inside the train, he adjusted his cufflinks. Like a sir. Bond blasted through the passenger car and landed on top of his enemy with a flip. He stole the flashdrive containing all the top-secret information.

"Who are you?" the squished enemy choked out.

007 shoved him out of the door where he dangled by his fingertips.

"Bond. James Bond," he answered shoving the man under the train.

…

"Syroy! Gryaznyy! You shove him out of a train? What is this, kindergarten?" Natasha raged at the TV, seemingly unaware that the spy inside couldn't hear her. "That is a foolish, inefficient, messy way to make a kill." She turned to Clint, continuing her rant. "Did you see that? The enemy might have lived! He should have poisoned him, or stabbed him or done anything else! He's a _spy, _he's supposed to be sneaky! You make sure that your enemy's heart is no longer beating. Rule number one. Kak glupo!"

"Hey, stop that!" Steve admonished, "I don't understand what you're saying, but it sounds an awful lot like you're cussing. And don't hate on Bond! He's in a difficult situation."

"I could have done better," the Russian scoffed haughtily.

"I do not enjoy this bickering, friends! I do not like it at all!" Thor shouted.

Tony sighed wearily and started the movie again.

During a particularly steamy love scene, Steve got redder and redder. _They can show this? In a movie? Ugh…oh gosh…oh gosh._ He finally cracked.

"Eeep!"

Steve dove under the pillow and hid his face.

"I know!" Pepper said angrily. "This film objectifies women so disgustingly! Bond is such a pig! _'Oh, Moneypenny, I'll come back for you…after I screw eight other girls'_!"

"That's not what Steve was-" Bruce explained.

"Jeez, Pepper, get over it!" Clint moaned.

"I won't! This is a foul example of why-"

"I SWEAR THE NEXT PERSON WHO SPEAKS SHALL BE CRUSHED WITH MJOLNIR!" Thor bellowed suddenly.

The room fell silent. And it stayed that way, each would-be interrupter eyeing the hammer in the deity's hand.

"Can I pick the next movie?" Pepper begged as the Avengers began leaving for bed.

"Sure," Steve sighed wearily, sad that his favorite film had gotten ruined.

"Remember the list of no-no's!" Clint reminded, pointing to the recently written list hanging next to the TV.

"I wrote the list, Clint. I know what's on it," she responded snippily.

She smiled at her choice. Such a cute movie. So adorable. And it took place right here in NYC!

Yes. Enchanted was going to be a winner.

* * *

**I decided this was too fun to not continue! I think I'll give each Avenger a chance to pick a movie and maybe add in some bonus chapters. Any suggestions are welcome :)**

**Reviews, please! **


	3. Pepper's Pick

"No! No, no, no!" Tony began raging. "I am not watching a film with a singing, animated chipmunk in it! Last time we did that, I almost threw myself off the Tower!"

"The song was _not_ that annoying, Tony," Natasha sighed.

"Yes it was!" Bruce agreed vehemently, "You know how many times I Hulked out because of that song? Three! I tried to concentrate on breathing and all I could think of was Alvin! This isn't going to be like that is it?"

"No! It's an awesome movie! Just hold on…the animation stops in about fifteen minutes!" Pepper begged.

Tony narrowed his eyes at the love of his life.

"This had better be really friggin good, Potts. Really good."

…

A very lost Giselle wandered through the bust streets of New York City. She was cold, alone, and beginning to get very scared. She was supposed to be married to her dear Prince Edward! And now she was lost in this strange place. Just as she was about to lose hope, she stumbled upon a castle! Yes! She knew all about castles! Maybe that would save her, just for the night. Suddenly, as she knocked on the door, she began to see and hear people who just didn't look very cheerful…what could they want?

…

"No! I do not like this!" Thor exclaimed angrily. "The Lady Giselle is gentle and kind. She should not be surrounded by these…unsavory characters. I do not like these men! She needs to be rescued!"

He turned furiously on Pepper.

"Does someone come to this Lady's aid?"

"Ahhhh," Tony moaned, "Just watch the movie, point-break!"

Steve began to sing at top volume to break up the bickering.

"I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF A TRUE LOVE'S KISS!"

Clint grinned excitedly and joined in.

"AND A PRINCE I'M HOPING COMES WITH THIS!"

With a sigh, almost of resignation, Bruce joined in, too. _If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,_ he thought. _At least the music for this movie is actually pretty good._

"THAT'S WHAT BRINGS EVERAFTERING SO HAPPY!"

Natasha clapped her hands over her ears.

"NO MORE!" she screamed, looking murderously at each member of the not-so-harmonious trio.

Silence ensued. There are things you don't screw with. Pissed-off assassins are one of those things.

…

Prince Edward bravely charged the city in search of his lost love. He refused to rest until he found her. He checked every street, every alley. But suddenly…a foul beast! The most loathsome thing he'd ever seen! And were there…people? Inside it? He must free them! Perhaps this depraved creature had gotten hold of his Giselle also!

"You've met your match, you foul bellowing beast!" he shouted, driving his sword through the roof of the bus.

The bus stopped, and Edward hopped down, overjoyed with his victory.

"The steel beast is dead, peasants! I've set you all free!"

…

The Avengers laughed, with one exception. Thor sat with his arms crossed, looking quite unhappy.

"Are you okay, Thor?" Bruce asked kindly.

"You are all being quite insensitive to this poor man's plight. Midgardian customs can seem quite strange for one unused to them," he said snippily.

"I'm sorry, buddy," Steve apologized, "But now that you say it, he _does_ remind me of you!"

"He's charming and brave," Clint added.

"And hot," Pepper wiggled her eyebrows.

"Except you can't sing worth a damn," Natasha mumbled.

Thor laughed good-naturedly.

"Thank you, my friends. But I am not like he. He has no brother."

"Thor, you're still you without your brother," Tony reminded him.

Thor shook his head gravely.

"I would never be the man I am today were it not for Loki."

"Maybe he could come visit?" Pepper suggested after a moment.

"All I have to say is that if he smashes my window again, I will unleash Bruce on him," Tony growled.

"I am not a dog that you can 'unleash'" Bruce said defensively.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do I need to sing again or will you guys knock it off?"

"Oh we'll stop!" Thor said hastily.

The trio had not previously broken glass with their singing, but they had gotten dangerously close. And nobody wanted that again.

…

Robert's adorable daughter Morgan sat in front of Giselle as she got ready for her date.

"Remember, when you go out not to put too much makeup on, otherwise the boys will get the wrong idea and you know how they are...They're only after one thing," the child advised.

"What's that?" Giselle asked anxiously.

"I don't know," the little girl sighed. "No one will tell me."

…

"I feel her pain," Steve commented. "No one will tell me, either."

There was an uncomfortable silence while Tony and Clint fought laughter, and Pepper wrestled with a desire to educate the man out of time and a desire to preserve his innocence. Natasha stared at Bruce, having a silent conversation with him on how best to silence the next interruption.

"Sex, my friend," Thor boomed knowledgeably. "The Lady Darcy explained this odd saying to me. Although, I know many a man who would chase a woman for her personality. You are one of these, are you not, Captain?"

Steve was too stunned to answer, and merely blushed scarlet and sank into the couch. Tony and Clint exploded into fits of hysterical giggles.

"Thor," Pepper chastised, "We don't use the s-word in front of Steve, remember?"

Just then, Bruce nodded and Natasha pulled two vicious-looking knives out of nowhere.

"Say something. Anything," she said in a dangerously soft tone, "One tiny little word."

She was greeted with one of her very favorite things: quiet.

As the movie ended (Steve cried loudly) and everyone got a happy ending (Natasha cried, too, but anyone to even think about teasing her would be ended…violently), Bruce announced that he would pick tomorrow night's movie.

He almost skipped to his room. Nothing could possibly tarnish his most beloved series. He pulled the platinum-edition box-set out from under his bed and lovingly traced the cover of the first film.

Pepper had decreed any movie with father-son conflict to be on the no-no list…but this was a classic. Bruce's mind immediately began to swim with his favorite scenes. He climbed in bed and stared at the ceiling, smiling. Then, with his best voice impersonation he quoted:

"Luke, I am your father."


	4. Bruce's Pick

By Thor's request (and Pepper's approval), Loki came for a visit to the Tower for a few nights. Mostly, he tagged along behind his big brother and wasn't half as annoying as they thought he was going to be. He gave off an air of superiority mixed with one of boredom. However, he fidgeted at loud noises and looked apprehensively at Bruce more than once. Really, though, he should have been more scared of Clint, who had polished, shined, tuned, and talked to his bow for over two hours upon finding out that the second Prince would be coming over. Thor assured him that it would be unnecessary, as Loki had been stripped of all power as punishment for his crime, but Clint still thought longingly of placing an arrow through his previous captor's eye socket. The whole team was gathered, except for the Captain.

"The tension in this room is thicker than Thor's head," Tony muttered to Pepper who elbowed him, but nonetheless agreed.

"Cap said he's gonna be late. Plane just got in. He said we could start the movie," Natasha said, shutting her phone and taking a seat between Clint and Thor.

"Let's do this," Clint growled.

Bruce was pleasantly surprised by the length of time the movie ran before someone freaked out. They got through the credits without a hitch. The opening music went well, too. They even lasted through "In a galaxy far, far, away…" Then disaster inevitably struck. But Bruce was still fairly pleased with the good behavior of his teammates.

"Pah!" Tony scoffed.

Bruce immediately stiffened at the objection, but no one responded further. The film continued, and the scientist could feel himself slipping into this all-too-familiar universe like he used to when he was younger.

"Hah! Oh okay," Tony guffawed again.

Bruce shut his eyes and counted to ten, breathing slowly and evenly.

"Tony, we talked about this," Pepper reminded him gently.

"Aw, Pep, look!" he whined, pointing at the screen, where R2D2 and C3PO had escaped and were wandering through the desert.

"What is it that you object to, Man of Iron?" Thor asked concernedly.

"Look at that thing! Dummy could wipe its butt with that thing!"

"Which one?" Loki asked, studying the two robots over steepled fingers.

"Either. Both! If Dummy got into a fight with the two of those at once it would roll away without a scratch," Tony bragged.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

"This is not about _your_ robots, Tony. R2D2 has an important message to deliver. That's the point."

"Dummy could deliver a message," Tony sniffed.

"Good for Dummy," Clint said acerbically.

Young Luke Skywalker watched Princess Leia deliver her message via R2D2 in wonder.

"My," Loki whispered. "Is it truly possible to do such things with Midgardian technology?"

"That and more, brother," Thor smiled and wrapped his arm around his little brother's shoulders, making the youngest Prince look like a child again.

"Dummy could do that. In HD."

Bruce growled and tackled Tony to the ground, beating him with a pillow and exercising the utmost control to not Hulk out and squish him like a bug. He wanted Tony a little battered, definitely scared, but not dead.

"I. Don't. Care. What. Dummy. Can. Do," Bruce snarled, punctuating each word with a blow from the pillow.

Tony squeaked and squirmed on his stomach back to the couch where Pepper sat.

"Are you two nerds done now?" Natasha asked tiredly.

The two geniuses stared each other down. Eventually, they both conceded themselves 'done' and went back to their seats.

Steve slowly, painstakingly climbed the staircase. Sometimes he just got a little freaked out by the elevator. It was a bit too fast for his taste and occasionally left him feeling dizzy. And although the eighty flights of stairs could be cumbersome, stairs didn't fall when the power went out. The stairs were, in addition to being safe, a bit of alone time for the Captain. When life got crazy, the stairs stayed boring. It gave him a little time to relax and let his stressful day go. Steve was physically a bit sleepy, but emotionally he was totally drained. He was exhausted from his day of saving the world. _Can it just save itself sometime? I feel like every time I turn around someone else is hatching some faulty world-domination plan..._ As he neared the top floor, Steve suddenly heard a noise. It sounded almost like the repulsors on Tony's suit…but off somehow in tone. More…buzzy. It finally dawned on the tired hero: there was fighting upstairs! He sprinted the remaining few steps and flew into the room. Everyone was seated and relaxed, except for two characters on the TV screen who were fighting with what appeared to be…colored flashlights? Loud, buzzy, colored flashlights. That could apparently cut people's arms off. _Okay then. _

Clint had caught on to Steve's plight.

"Just a movie, Cap," he reassured the still-shocked Captain.

Steve nodded hesitantly and turned to flop into his seat. The only problem was, it was occupied. Loki smiled and gave a little wave. Steve narrowed his eyes. That was _his_ spot goddang it. _I should kick his butt...serve him right for sitting in my seat_, Steve thought. Fortunately for Loki, the peace-loving side of Steve kicked in and he decided to squeeze in next to Bruce, who looked like he was close to tears from fanboy-ish joy.

"What is this again?" Steve asked.

"Battles of the Sun," Thor responded.

He was greeted with identical looks of confusion.

"Star Wars," Natasha corrected him.

"What's it about?"

"Wars. About stars," Loki said caustically.

Steve frowned but Clint jumped out of his seat with joy. He pulled a knife out of nowhere and pointed it at Loki, looking towards Natasha for permission.

"He was mean! See? You see that? It could have been threatening; he said 'war'! OH please! Please Nat, please!" Clint begged with a psychotic look on his face.

Natasha said nothing, only shook her head no, much to a very pale Loki's relief. The archer slumped back into the couch.

"JARVIS?" Tony asked tiredly, amidst Thor and Clint bickering.

"Yes, sir?"

"Shut them up. I don't care how."

"Am I allowed to be creative here, sir?"

"Sure, J. Just make it happen. I want them quiet ten minutes ago."

A sound like an air horn rent the air with its piercing shriek, and everyone was silent with their hands on their ears.

"How was that, sir? I confess I've wanted to do that to you before when you threaten to deprogram me."

"Ouch. Um, well, it was effective…painful, and rather tasteless, but very effective," Tony grimaced, rubbing his temples.

"I shall file that."

Unaware of the drama outside the screen, the actors in it kept going. Bruce held Steve's hand to resist the urge to say every line aloud.

An epic battle played out, young Luke losing a hand in the process. As he faced his enemy again, Darth Vader told him something shocking.

"Luke," Darth Vader breathed, "I am your father."

Both Thor and Loki burst into hysterical tears, flipping from sobs, Asgardian, to English. No one could figure out what was so upsetting until Clint worked up the nerve to ask.

"Why is that sad? It's surprising…but-"

"Nooooo you don't understannnnd," Loki cried into Thor's shoulder.

"It's-he-he-ahhhhhh see I told you, brother!"

"Midgardian films are so full of truth and sadness! You were right!" Loki agreed.

"Why is this so sad?" Clint demanded.

Loki sobered up momentarily.

"Someone who is supposed to be good…his father is evil and he suddenly finds out. I-ah…I relate rather well."

"WAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Thor continued sobbing uninterrupted, "See, you could be a hero!"

Loki then promptly joined him in crying and screaming in Asgardian.

Bruce got up from the couch and shuffled away in a slight state of shock. How had they managed to stain the glory that was Star Wars? _Whywhywhywhywhy…_

Tony stood and stretched, ignoring the brothers rather successfully. He strode forward and began scrolling through the holographic list of movies. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? _Nah. Too pointed._ Yankee Doodle Dandy? _No way. I am NOT sitting through showtunes like that again…_Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat? _Tempting, but Thor tends to hit things with Mjolnir whenever I question his god-hood. _Tony stopped at the next title and smiled wickedly. _Oh, yes. Loki is gonna hate this. Probably isn't "correct". I don't care. I love it. _Tony placed the film in the queue, smiling ear to ear.

"Tony," Natasha warned.

"Don't worry, Widow. I bet you'll love it. Who doesn't wish they went to Hogwarts?"

Natasha smiled in agreement, but looked askance at fresh tears from the two princes.

"Hey JARVIS?" Tony asked, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Another air horn sir? Or something else?"

"You know that comedian's drum set thing? Ba-dum tssss," he imitated poorly.

JARVIS reproduced the sound properly.

"Thanks buddy," he cleared his throat. "Next time we have a party," he told Natasha, "Remind me not to invite the Asgardians. I wanna keep it LOKI."

Ba-dum tssss.

* * *

**Whew! That was a longer chappie than usual! How'd you guys like it? Anything you like to see more/less of? I got a few requests for Loki, so I had him come visit :)**

**Review!**


	5. Tony's Pick

Tony fidgeted in his seat, absolutely wriggling with excitement. Bruce looked like a mirror image of him, twitching in anticipation. Pepper glanced at the pair for a moment, but decided that she didn't want to know. Clint and Natasha laughed at them, then sat on the love seat together, Clint sitting normally and Natasha laying her feet in his lap. Loki most likely didn't notice the change in attire for the two geniuses, and Thor was smart enough to not comment on it. It was poor Captain who took the bait.

"What are you _wearing_?" he asked in revulsion.

Tony and Bruce both wore sets of Hogwarts robes, (complete with matching hats) Bruce's in Ravenclaw blue and Tony's in Slytherin green. Each man clutched a different wand, and Tony had a hand-made golden Snitch (which he created during a serious creative dry spell).

"Robes!" Tony explained, "Wizard's robes."

Steve raised his eyebrows, crossed himself, and sat on the other side of the room.

"_I _don't need robes to do magic," Loki boasted.

"Neither do they!" Bruce pointed at the blank TV screen, "It's just a part of the school's tradition."

Loki rolled his eyes, and Pepper instructed JARVIS to play the movie.

"Mmm MMM mmm MMM mmm MMMMMMMMMMM mmm MMMMmmmmMMMMmmmMMMMMM," Tony and Bruce hummed the opening theme in unison.

"Okay, no," Natasha instructed. "There will be no singing from you two."

The nerdiest Avengers sighed but decided against arguing with her. Usually that ended in much more pain than was deserved…

…

Dumbledore appeared and removed the glow of the streetlights with the Deluminator. He told Professor McGonagall the bad news, after offering her a lemon drop. Together, the two waited in the Muggle street for The Boy Who Lived to arrive. The roar of a motorcycle announced Hagrid's approach.

"It's Sirius' bike," the giant man explained.

…

"SIRIUS BLACK IS INNOCENT!" Tony suddenly screamed.

Bruce nodded emphatically in agreement.

"What was he accused of?" Steve asked.

"Murder," Bruce said darkly, "Of his best friend. He was accused of selling James Potter to Voldemort! But he didn't. He wasn't the Secret-Keeper."

Steve stared at the scientist blankly, but Thor understood.

"That is wrong. No true friend would betray the other. Nor family," he said, digging an elbow into Loki's side.

Loki winced, but said nothing, which was probably a wise choice on his part.

…

Draco Malfoy smugly held his hand out for Harry to shake, but the small boy refused.

"I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks," he asserted quietly.

His new friend Ron gave him a big grin, and Harry began to feel more at home in this strange place than he ever had at Number 4, Privet Drive. He was nervous about being Sorted. He desperately hoped he would be in the same House as Ron, or someone who could be his friend.

…

"So," Steve began, "Gryffindors are good, Slytherins are bad, and the other two are…?"

"No, no, no," Bruce sighed, "There are no good or bad Houses. Some Houses have reputations for having slightly more…unkind…wizards and witches in them, but the Houses are divided by personal qualities."

"Gryffindors are fundamentally brave, Ravenclaws are intelligent, Hufflepuffs are loyal, and Slytherins are ambitious," Clint explained kindly to the confused soldier.

"All good things," Pepper noted.

"See, Thor's a Gryffindor. Clint probably is, too," Tony said thoughtfully, "Bruce and Pepper are Ravenclaws. Natasha, me, and Loki are all Slytherins. You're tough. You could probably be either a Hufflepuff or a Gryffindor."

Steve scratched his head, thinking it over a little.

"I just don't wanna be a Slytherin," he said, frowning.

Tony and Bruce began to have little spasms of fan-boyish glee.

"The hat takes your opinion into consideration!" they squealed in sync.

Natasha sighed and started the movie again.

Loki's eyes almost bugged out of his head during the Quidditch match.

"Wow," he breathed in awe.

"Awesome, huh, rock of ages?" Tony asked.

"Yes. I'm going to figure out a spell to make a broomstick fly like that. And I am going to form a Quidditch team," Loki stated happily.

"Can I be on it?" Bruce begged.

Loki examined him carefully.

"As long as you never smash me into the floor again."

"Oh, I won't! I promise!"

"Or call me puny."

"Well," Thor interjected, "You are rather petite, brother."

Loki hissed through his teeth and glared at his big brother, who smiled back, completely unperturbed.

Clint sighed and ran his thumb over Natasha's fingers while Professor Snape began to lecture on Potions. He smiled at his ninja/assassin/girlfriend.

"Always," he whispered.

Natasha rolled her eyes, but smiled back nonetheless.

"It would never work out between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin," she said with mock seriousness.

Clint shook his head.

"Clearly you didn't read the last book. It _could_ have worked if Severus didn't act like an idiot. He fooled around with Death Eaters, and Lily fell in love with James in the meantime."

He paused and watched Hermione hold her hand as high as it would go, dying to answer the question.

"But as you're the Slytherin and not acting like and idiot and I'm the Gryffindor and not in love with another girl, it's safe to say this is going to be just fine. Don't join a cult. And then we can say 'always' and my Patronus would be a spider and yours would be a hawk and it'd be so perfect and we-"

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you there," Natasha interrupted, "Before you completely dork out on me."

Clint sighed in disappointment.

Loki and Thor both screamed when Fluffy made his debut appearance.

"WHO ALLOWED A HELLHOUND ON MIDGARD? WHO MANAGED TO TAME IT? WHO ALLOWED IT TO BE WHERE CHILDREN WERE PRESENT?" Thor bellowed in shock and fear.

He held out his arm, and Tony cringed while Mjolnir crunched through the ceiling and landed in his hand. Loki stopped screaming and began to feverishly recite incantations to ward off evil, forgetting that he had no magic.

"No, Thor," Natasha sighed, "It's not real. It's animated. Like Winnie the Pooh, remember?"

Thor gravely shook his head.

"Winnie is a gentle creature, of a kindly nature. This beast is nothing like he, nor his friends from the Wood of 100 acres."

"It's a lot more advanced animation," Pepper consoled the frightened Asgardian, "But the concept is the same."

Loki stopped chanting and hid behind Thor's bicep.

"You are most wise, Lady Pepper," Thor replied, "But all the same I do not like this creature. I have battled one of its kin, and only just escaped with my life, due to much courage and skill."

"Or because I cast a spell to make us invisible and Sif held your hand," Loki complained irritably.

"NONETHELESS," Thor said loudly, attempting to speak over his brother, "It was a terrifying experience."

Natasha reached behind the couch and pulled a stuffed Winnie the Pooh out. Clint handed it over to him.

"There ya go, big guy. He'll fend off the…uh…Hellhound."

With a floor-denting thud, Thor dropped his hammer and snuggled the plushie tightly. He looked for all the world like a hugely overgrown, over-muscled baby, albeit one that could kill you with one punch and drink the most die-hard alcoholic under the table.

Tony felt pretty smug when the movie ended. Clint had shown his inner Potterhead, Natasha and Pepper had agreed to go to Harry Potter world, Bruce, of course, was overjoyed with the choice. Loki was going to make a Quidditch team, and Thor got to cuddle Pooh. Steve was even so thrilled to see Harry win that Tony couldn't bring himself to tell the Captain that Voldy comes back.

"So far, this has been the most peaceful movie night yet," he bragged.

"But tomorrow night is _my_ turn," Loki said in reply.

Tony cringed inwardly. _Please don't pick something awful_, he begged internally.

Loki pulled up the holographic screen and began reading plot descriptions. The technology was remarkably similar to a spell he often used. _Hmmm…what to choose… _His slim fingers danced down the screen, and concentration furrowed his brows. The trouble-maker was torn between a desire to live up to his name as the God of Mischief and a desire to be liked by this odd group of people. Then, as he read yet another description, the decision made itself. It was too perfect for him to pass up. He smiled hugely and instructed Tony's invisible servant to put the film in the queue.

It had everything. Romance, action, tragedy, comedy, music, history, money, poverty, religion, success, failure. It was a story about life; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Loki cleared his throat and attempted a southern accent.

"Life's like a box of chocolates. Ya never know what you gonna get," he said softly to himself.

Yes. Forrest Gump was going to be a hit. He could just feel it.

* * *

**Yayyy Forrest! And also yayy Harry! I am such a Harry Potter freak I love it I love it and I wanna go to Hogwarts.**

**Ahem. Anyway.**

**I've decided a few things. Loki is probably going to stay. I enjoy him too much to kick him out. Also, each Avenger (plus Loki, Pepper, and 1 bonus mystery person) will pick a movie, so that's 4 more chapters. Requests for movies will definitely be considered! **

**Review please!**


	6. Loki's Pick

The white feather fluttered down from the sky, dancing this way and that on the gentle breeze. Forrest took his seat on a bench, and being the polite southern boy he was, began chatting with his neighbor. He started with his childhood…oh, how his momma wanted him to get into school. He just wasn't smart enough. Everyone called him stupid. But not momma. "Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest," she told him. She argued in the principal's office, and eventually invited the man back to her house. For tea, or something, Forrest guessed.

…

"Awww," Pepper said sadly. "That is a good mother, right there. How tragic…"

Tony nodded silently, for once not taking the opportunity to make a dirty joke. Loki stared in disdain at Forrest, his obvious impatience for anyone who wasn't as intelligent as he was showing clearly. _The description didn't include the fact that this film was about a fool,_ he thought with irritation.

…

When the school bus came on the first day, Forrest was nervous. And no one wanted to sit with him.

"Taken."

"Taken."

Each child's heavy southern accent twisted the word into something cruel. The boy with the bulky leg-braces shuffled further and further back.

"You can sit here if you want," a little voice piped up.

Forrest gratefully accepted the seat next to the girl who would become his best friend and only love.

He was unsure why Jenny was so scared, but she was. He didn't understand why her father scared her so much. He was a very loving man, always kissin and touchin her and her sisters. But she was his best friend, so Forrest sat in the field with Jenny, hiding from her father.

"Dear God, make me a bird, so I could fly far away. Far, far away from here," she prayed.

"Forrest, pray with me!" she demanded, picking up her mantra again.

Forrest prayed, but he secretly hoped that Jenny wouldn't become a bird, so that she could keep being his friend.

…

Natasha had a vice-like grip on Clint's hand, struggling not to sob aloud. Like Jenny, she knew what it meant to be molested as a child. She knew the fear, the anxiety and insecurity. The Red Room had not been kind to her. _It's just a part of the mission, Romanoff,_ they had said to her. _Age is irrelevant._ _It's the only way you'll get the information. _She had been ten at the time.

Clint tried not to squirm. He rather hoped that Nat didn't break his hand…apart from it being painful, she'd feel bad about it. He brushed a tear off her cheek and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. He said nothing, knowing that his presence was more comforting than the words he'd surely screw up.

Bruce frowned sadly at the screen. Like both the Asgardians and Steve, he'd never seen this movie before. He desperately hoped it was going to get less sad. He watched the children walk home from school, Forrest in the leg braces he'd gotten because his back was "crooked as a question mark".

"Shh! This is my favorite part!" Tony exclaimed, although no one had been talking.

Pepper couldn't help but say the famous line with little Jenny as the bullies pegged rocks at the boy.

"Run Forrest! Run!"

Steve laughed out loud as the braces came flying off and Forrest did indeed, run. He could identify. Going from a cripple to someone who can really _run_ was something he was more familiar with than most. He smiled with reminiscent happiness.

…

There was a huge commotion going on outside of a school, and Forrest had no idea why. He saw people with signs, protesting, and policemen trying to stop them. Then he noticed a girl drop a notebook.

"Excuse me, I think this is yours," he said as he handed it to her.

The girl gave him a shy smile then continued her walk into the school, head held high.

…

The corner of Loki's mouth turned up. Despite Forrest's lack of intelligence, he saw things others didn't. Or maybe because he wasn't quite as bright as everyone else, he saw past the prejudices to the truth. A person is a person, regardless of color. _It's about time the Midgardians learned this…we never had this problem on Asgard…_Nevertheless, Loki was coming to really like Forrest.

…

Standing inside the White House ballroom, Forrest felt out of place. He was honored to be named an All-American football player, but still, what a fancy place.

"I musta had me about fifteen Doctor Peppers."

…

"Lady Pepper!" Thor exclaimed, "You did not inform me that you were a doctor! Congratulations, I am told this is a most honorable achievement. But…fifteen? Have you sisters?"

Tony sniggered while Pepper patiently explained.

"That's just the name of a drink, Thor. The drink is called 'Doctor Pepper'."

The thunder god nodded, scratching his beard for a moment.

"In that case, I feel his plight. Many a time have I had too much ale and needed to…ah…"

"Yeah, yeah, we know," Steve said hurriedly in an attempt to stop a graphic description.

"Shh! This is the best part!" Tony sighed.

…

The All-American football player ended up in the war. It was not a place he enjoyed, but he was a good soldier, and took orders just like he was supposed to. He even made a friend, Bubba. Bubba loved shrimp, that's for sure. And he knew all kinds of ways to make them. Forrest and he planned to buy a shrimping boat when they got out of the army. They'd make some money that way. But one day things went very wrong. Napalm was everywhere, burning everything. Forrest ran through the trees, pulling most of his platoon out of the jungle to the riverbank, including poor Lieutenant Dan, who was sure that his destiny was to die in the war. It was too late for Bubba, who died in Forrest's arms.

…

Steve's shoulders slumped with the familiar sadness of losing a teammate, but when Forrest went home and delivered half of the money to Bubba's family, he smiled. _What a swell guy, holding up his end of the bargain._

"Shh!" Tony screeched, "This is my favorite part!"

"No one's talki-" Bruce tried to say.

"SHHHHH!"

Eventually, Forrest found himself invested in some sort of fruit company…Apple, it was called.

"OH MY GOD I KNOW THAT! THAT'S COMPUTERS!" Steve exclaimed.

Clint and Natasha peeked over the top of the couch, where they had instantly jumped because of Steve's sudden shout.

"Good job Capsicle," Tony said without looking.

"Apples…are computers?" Loki said in bewilderment.

"That's just the company's name," Bruce explained.

Loki gave him a sideways look that clearly said something along the lines of I-don't-trust-you-o-angry-green-monster. Bruce rolled his eyes.

"They make pads, too," Steve added smugly.

There was an awkward silence. Natasha sunk back down behind the couch and Pepper blushed red to match her hair.

"No, Cap," Clint began.

"No! I'm sure about that one! Bruce told me!"

"Steve, they make iPads," Bruce said wearily.

The soldier groaned in frustration.

"Is there really a difference?"

"Yeah, Cap…there is. A pretty big one," Pepper said.

"Well what is it?"

A silent game of rock-paper-scissors went viciously around the room.

"Yet another product having to do with lady problems, Captain. Must I always explain these things to you?" Thor said exasperatedly.

"Aw gee…" Steve whimpered.

"You and I shall have a long chat about these matters after the film."

Steve shook his head frantically.

"No, I think I'm good, I really don't need-"

On cue, Clint began to sing.

"Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me!"

"Agent Barton," JARVIS began, "Using _that_ word is not allowed in front of Captain Rogers. It falls under the category of 'corrupting Steve'. Ten points from Gryffindor."

"Aww," Clint whined.

"BLAST YOU, ARCHER!" Thor shouted.

"The rankings now stand as Slytherin and Gryffindor tied for fourth place with thirty points each, Ravenclaw in third with seventy points, and Hufflepuff in the lead with ninety-six points," JARVIS recited.

"That's only because Steve's the only Hufflepuff and JARVIS does the points," Bruce whined.

Pepper sighed.

"We gotta pick it up, Brucie," she encouraged.

"The only reason we're not tied with Steve is because of that one explosion…"

"Which completely destroyed the lab," JARVIS said snippily.

"It was one time!"

"SHHHHHH! THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!" Tony screamed.

Forrest was reunited with his son, and the as the closing music played, a feather drifted down from the sky.

"Good pick, Loki," Steve said with a smile.

"Yeah, rock of ages, I thought you'd pick something that would completely suck," Tony added.

Loki and Thor glared in unison, but Tony was unperturbed. He threw his arm around Pepper and strode off towards their room.

"I shall choose tomorrow's film," Thor announced.

Loki rolled his eyes.

"Nothing boorish, please brother."

"Yeah," Steve added, "Pick something we'll all like."

Thor puzzled it over in his mind, paroozing the virtual movie shelf.

"Invisible servant!"

JARVIS sighed audibly before answering.

"Yes, Thor?"

"I have chosen the film!"

"Congratulations on your achievement, sir," JARVIS said acidly.

Thor seemed fairly immune to the sarcasm.

"Tomorrow's movie will be a good one! This man of steel, this Superman, seems a satisfactory character. I think we will like him."

* * *

**Yeah I did it. Mixin' companies! Whaaaat**

**By the way, I'm really sorry it took FOREVER to update. I've been really distracted lately, not even a good excuse. Thanks for your patience!**

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks :)**


	7. Thor's Pick

Thor bit back tears during the whole opening scene. _This poor babe's entire realm is being destroyed! The horror!_ He cast a sideways look at his younge 2r brother, thinking sadly that there was no way he could save _this _race, too. Loki squirmed uncomfortably, thinking of his past plans to eliminate the entire planet of Jotunheim.

The baby who would become the Man of Steel crash-landed by a couple who ran a small farm. The farmer's wife fell in love with him at once.

"Think of how long we've wanted a child," she pleaded to her husband, "Maybe this is our chance to be parents. We'll adopt him!"

Lifting the child, her husband couldn't help but smile at the helpless infant. The baby giggled and reached for the man's hat with his chubby fingers. Jonathan Kent nodded his consent, cradling the child in his arms. Martha emptied the destroyed space pod of its contents, and the little family made its way home.

Steve snorted.

"Ha. An alien crash lands from outer space and people just take him in! That is funny…"

Thor's eyebrows raised and he stared pointedly at the Captain. Steve was completely oblivious, still chuckling to himself. Tony considered Thor's silent argument, tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch.

"Didn't Darcy Taser you first? It wasn't like Jane snuggled you, picked up your blanket then skipped away into the sunset," he pointed out.

Thor pouted.

"That is true…but he is also an infant. I was a fully-grown, formidable adult. I was also in a rather…hostile…mood."

Loki barked a laugh.

"Because you're usually so peaceable?"

"Were I a child like he was, they would have taken me in completely!" he growled.

"Nay, I doubt it," Loki needled, "You were an extraordinarily loud, fat, baby."

Thor stood abruptly, glowering at his little brother. Clouds outside began to gather.

"Pics, or it didn't happen," Clint said, really hoping that Loki could come up with photo evidence that a chubby Thor did exist at one point.

Loki nodded.

"I shall bring them when I next return to Midgard. Is that acceptable, archer?"

Clint grinned, sneaking a sideways look at Thor, who still looked furious.

"I was a handsome babe! Healthy and strong!" Thor said vehemently.

"You were a pudgy little cookie-muncher," Loki cackled.

"I WAS NOT!"

If JARVIS had eyes that it could roll, it would have.

"Sir, may I suggest the air horn again?" it begged its creator.

Tony sighed.

"No, J. Just start up the movie again."

JARVIS reluctantly began playing the film again, and the easily distractible Asgardians became enveloped in the plot once more.

Little Clark grew up happily, and his adoptive parents cherished him, although as he began to discover his strength, he was often the source of many a broken item.

Steve chuckled again.

"I remember that," he said, "Smashing stuff because you aren't used to being strong…I trashed a bridal shop on my first run. Corners were not my thing."

Bruce looked up in interest.

"Really?" he asked, full of scientific curiosity.

Steve nodded nonchalantly, and Bruce resisted the urge to get out a pencil and paper to take notes. Clint pouted as Mr. Kent died. Pepper sniffled a little, too, but she felt much better when Clark ventured off into the big city in a search of a job.

"Oooooh! Lois!" Tony crooned.

Natasha growled.

"I hate her."

"Why?" Thor asked, "She seems a lovely lady."

"Lovely. Pah! That's not going to get you anywhere in life," she snorted.

"Tell that to Playboy," Tony said snippily.

"She is useless!" Black Widow snarled. "She constantly gets into trouble because she's an idiot! Then she just swoons while Superman runs around saving her!"

"My question is this…" Loki said slowly, "Is she really dim enough to not recognize Superman as Clark?"

Clint giggled.

"Oh no, now that I can't see a centimeter on the bridge of your nose, I can't POSSIBLY recognize you!" he said in a high, girlish imitation of Lois.

"Guys, be nice. This is a classic," Steve chastised them.

They were quiet for a few more moments.

"Oh, really! Who could hold an entire airplane?" Tony scoffed.

Bruce cocked his eyebrows up.

"The Other Guy is more than capable of holding that much weight," he remarked quietly.

"Yeah…holding it. And then smashing it into the ground."

Bruce sighed softly and rolled his eyes.

"I could try," Thor said thoughtfully.

"You can't hold an airplane!" Pepper said viciously, hoping to quash the idiotic desire right there. "Don't even try!" _Because I'll be the one explaining to Fury why you're in the hospital…_

"Verily, she speaks truth," Loki conceded, "It is an unwise idea, brother."

Thor laughed.

"Nay. I shall be trying it. Captain, will you join me?"

Steve shook his head.

"Um, Thor, I don't want to die."

"Oh, come now, Steve, don't be a pansy. Aren't you Captain of 'the home of the brave'? Be brave Captain, come lift an airplane with me."

Steve's eyebrows drew together, and for half a second, he really considered it.

"NO!" Pepper screamed. "There will be no lifting of airplanes by anyone in this Tower!"

"Or else what?" Loki asked, ever the trouble-maker.

"Or else I will…" Pepper frowned as she thought, "I will make sure that there are NO Pop-Tarts. Anywhere."

Thor gasped, obviously stunned that she would go that far.

"But…but…" he stammered in shock.

"I will, Thor. Don't test me on this!" Pepper commanded, although she did feel a bit bad about her ultimatum. Thor's face was crumpled like a kicked puppy's.

"Alas, life is cruel. I shall not lift an airplane," he admitted defeat dejectedly.

Superman flew off into the sunlight, the recently-saved world spinning behind him.

"That was stupid," Tony complained.

"I liked it!" Clint said happily.

"No, it was boring," Steve sighed.

Clint glared at his teammates.

"You're just jealous," he sniffed.

"Jealous? Nay, nay, archer," Thor scoffed.

Clint smiled wickedly.

"Superman is all of you guys combined. He can wear red and blue." Steve scowled. "He can fly and shoot heat/lightning stuff." Thor frowned. "He's super strong. He can punch the ground and make earthquakes." Bruce slumped. "He's bulletproof and can shoot lasers out of his eyes." Tony kicked the foot of a chair.

Natasha was offended for her teammates.

"Yeah well he's not real," she countered. "This whole movie was unrealistic and silly."

"Yeah," Tony said, "SO unrealistic."

Loki cocked one eyebrow up and stared at them in amused disbelief. The heroes shuffled out of the room under his gaze. Loki smiled at Clint.

"You know," he said, "I'm really beginning to think you have a knack for mischief-making yourself."

Clint stood still, unsure whether to feel happy or freaked out. He shrugged and started thinking about movies to watch, occasionally referencing Pepper's list of no-no's. He smiled hugely. _Well…if I'm not allowed to watch Legolas…this is close isn't it? Same guy right?_

JARVIS put the movie on the queue. _Please let this not spark another riot,_ it thought fervently. _Please. _Pirates of the Caribbean_, be good to me._

**If he's unrealistic, what does that make you guys? Um, obviously realer than real. The truest of true. Logical as algebra. Duh. Oh, sorry, guys, my b.**

**Review, darlings :)**


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